Reminiscing

Cleaning up iPhoto Library and found some shots that made me smile today. I wish I can work out as much as I did 5 years ago for my curves have now turned to bulges. Sigh! Those were the days.

Sick or not?

I think I am sick. Not physically sick but something's wrong with me.
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I am going to a baby-shower tomorrow and I am over-organizing it. I am not even supposed to be organizing, I was just invited! When I got the invite I quickly asked what the theme was, if there was a registry, if there were games ... I have all these ideas and I've pressured the organizer so much. I was harsh. With all my calls, emails, SMS, I could hear her say, get off my back please! But I can't help myself, I am sick.
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A friend sends me an email and I reply back with a novel. I over-analyze her message, I read between the lines and I itemize what she needs. After sending my reply, I read my sent message over and over again and I wait for a reply. I am sick.
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What is wrong with me ... am i sick? Or do I just miss work? Am I sick or do I just miss my hubby? Am I sick or am I odd?

5 Things About Me

Here are five things you probably don't know about me:

1) I am neat-freak (edited from "generally OC"). At night when everyone has gone to bed, I check to ensure that all throw-pillows are resting in the sofa the way I want them to be. I make sure all dining chairs are moved towards the table and are all aligned. I put away the clean undies by colors. I need the toilet bowls to be white-clean. I hate clutter on the floor. But almost always I am lazy to clean. So in the kitchen, I put aluminum foil on the stove top and put cling wrap on the kitchen wall tiles then just change them weekly.

2) I have a problem about sharing my personal stuff. I have been psyching myself against this since I went into a dormitory in college, but I guess no-one ever really changes totally. Some stuff I still do not feel comfortable sharing are my pillows, towels, comb, clothes, shoes, slippers, bags, lunchbox, tupperwares, my desktop, electronic gadgets.

3) I am not friendly but once I consider someone a friend, I do not give up on her easily. I give her the benefit of the doubt when she hurts me. I respect her fully - her feelings, beliefs, time, plans.

4) I do not force people. When they say No, I leave them be.

5) I am clingy. When hubby and I am on the couch watching tellie or on the bed sleeping, I need to feel that he's beside me, even if it means only our arms, our legs or our backs touching.

There you go. Hope you let me learn more about you too.

Godspeed, sis!

May God bless and guide you. May He light your path, keep you company and give you good health, peace and love as you brave your leap of faith. Be a good nurse, live your dream, stay safe and look after yourself, okay? We love you sis, we will be praying for you always. Miss you!

"Till Death Do Us Part"

Today is the 36th wedding anniversary of Mom & Dad and this is the first time Dad is celebrating it w/o Mom beside him. Wedding anniversary is a celebration of the union of a couple and now that Mom is gone, the thought of Dad celebrating it alone pains me so much. How is he supposed to celebrate it? How are we supposed to greet Dad? I tried to put myself in his situation and it was barely bearable. Happy memories of Mom & Dad together keep on flashing to my mind and I cried heavily today. I was hoping that by crying I could lessen the pain that Dad has to go thru. It hurts to know that I'll never see them together again and I can't imagine how much more painful it is for Dad. It could be 10 x more.

I phoned him just then and he said he woke up early today to bring her flowers and to share his pandesal with her. He said she always wanted flowers on this day and he enjoyed their special breakfast date. He did make it special in his own little way and I know Mom was very happy watching him from above. I thanked Dad for being true to his wedding vows of "till death do us part" and for loving Mama so much. He said he loves Mama so much even after death that he would court her again in his next life. He feels the loneliness and emptiness now that Mom is gone but he is still thankful that he has us, their children.

It was a difficult and heavy day but we just have to believe that Mom is in a better place now with the loving care of God where there is no more pain and suffering. Dad, always remember that we share your pain and we are always here to love and support you.

WE love you Mom & Dad and happy anniversary to you both!

Mother dearest, Happy Birthday!

In this most trying time of your life, we join you in seeking for God's blessing of complete healing against the Big C. He is the greatest Healer and He knows all our hearts' desires. Let us continue to believe that He has a big plan for us for He has entrusted us with a big cross to carry.

On top of this, we wish you all the happiness and love that we can bring to you, as well as all the thoughts, care and support that all your friends, family, office mates and even acquaintances can show you. For you continue to be an inspiration not just to everyone else who are burdened with the same sickness but to all of us who snap easily with the simplest non-sense inconveniences in life.

As you celebrate your 54th birthday, blow all your worries and anxieties away and let us all embrace the blessings that we see around us with great faith and trust in God. Keep in mind Mom, that you are the strongest and bravest person we've ever known. We continue to believe that we'll get thru this together as a family and we'll never ever leave you alone. We love you mom and we wish you more wonderful years to come!

-- from your kids down under

Life's Different Hats

I was able to catch up with a cousin today thru the very reliable Yahoo! Messenger. After the usual Hi's, Hello's, How are you's, and What's Up, I learned that her mom (my mom's younger sister) has accompanied my mom to her check-up in Manila this week. {Mom is receiving chemotherapy treatments.}

I was happy to hear that because I know Mom needs all the support she can get to boost her faith in God and in finding reasons to continue to fight for life. I can imagine them talk non-stop about their childhood memories ... how they washed dishes together, swam in the river together, how they would avoid being hit/scolded by their very strict "tatang" ... they reminisce and even talk about who their childhood playmates married! I know this because I've heard them talk non-stop one time during our trip from Manila to the province (5 hours!).

They have obviously grown close together and I am thankful that my aunt has made herself available for mom even during this difficult time. She obviously has not thrown her "sister hat".

Not all of us today understand the different roles we play in our lives, the different "hats" we have to wear. Most of the time, we only play the role at hand and forget that we still have other roles in life waiting to be played.

Today, I'm reminding myself that I am not only a wife to my husband, but I am also a child to my parents, a sister to my siblings, a niece to my aunts/uncles, an aunt to my nieces/nephew, a cousin to my cousins, a friend to my friends. I should be more sensitive to their needs, know when to catch up and know better than tell them life's okay for "okay" does not say it all. Today, I'm reminding myself to give time for each of the hats, whether old or new, for they are there waiting to be picked up and worn again. Today, I'm reminding myself to be like my aunt, ready when my loved ones need me even before they ask.

Happy Birthday Sweetheart!

Sweetheart -- that's how we call our dad. Mom, us - the children, and specially the grandchildren would address him with this term of endearment. And it speaks well of himself for he is such a sweet, caring, thoughtful father and grandfather to us all.

As a father, he used to be very strict -- I vaguely recall he would lock the TV cabinet during weekdays so we can focus on school-work. Or have his belt ready when someone had to learn a lesson! But he has been a very good provider and, even to this day and age, we know, he would always put the family's needs before his own (even if he's not supposed to anymore).

Friends describe him as a very jolly man who will go out of his way to make other people happy! His own brothers and sisters as well as his in-laws and even his colleagues and staff at work all look up to him with respect and pride.

He is a man with a such BIG heart. He continues to make us proud and he is an inspiration we look up to as we start our own families.

Dad, as you celebrate your 63rd birthday, we pray that God bless you with the best of health, keep you strong in everything that you do and give you happiness and contentment in everything that you have. Miss you sweetheart! We both love you!

-- from your children down under